Sunday, February 1, 2009

"This Sex Organ's on fire".... and Sukhothai

I had just got in from cycling around the massive ruin complex of Sukhothai, taking hundred of pics and getting the mother of all farmers tans. Sweating in a way I did not think possible before Thailand I decide to shower. I put my towel down on the toilet cistern and jumped in the cool shower all the while feeling rather smug at having the spent the day wandering and photographing ancient city ruins while the majority of my friends had their dignity ground to dust working for the man. That is, with the exception of those of you who have never worked a day in your lives. You know who you are.

Sukhothai hand

Golden Votive  Hand 1

Picture 103

Pleasantly refreshed and without a care in the world I start to dry myself and then an alarming and eye widening burning starts... in my most private of places. As you can imagine this startlingly painful burning has my undivided and complete attention. This is often the case when ones genitals are on fire. On closer inspection I find my groin is covered in tiny, biting, scrambling ants.

I'd been violated, without so much as a "Hello Sailor".

It turns out my towel is impregnated with hundreds of tiny biting ants with whom I am now covered. I had literally rubbed them all over my body. Cue Benny Hill style comedy histrionics as I wildly flail myself. A bit like at the end of King Kong, you know, with planes and that.

I now have a singular thought process with a primal reasoning system.

1) OUT of shower.
2) RUN to room.
3) KILL anything with more than two legs(this includes mammals)
4) PANIC..if that doesn't work, possibly cry

I bolt out of the shower after taking what seemed like three weeks to put my shorts on. I make for my room door and with a level of remarkable fluidity considering my state I get my key and unlock the padlock and get in. Seriously though, Sebastian Chabal wouldn't of stopped me getting into that room.

One minor panic attack, several loud expletives and pleading invocation's to any deity that would answer later and I'm dried and sprayed head to toe in Deet so any remaining whoremasters should be toast.


It's a day later and I'm covered in ant bites, easily in excess of a hundred. Its a bit like my own personal version of "The Singing Detective". Only not nearly as severe or traumatic and disappointingly without a comforting and intimate bed bath from Joanne Whalley.

As an added bonus the bites are not all from Ants, there are some Mossies too!....Brilliant! Thank heavens for that eh! I am literally I walking fucking buffet for these bastards. I hope they get indigestion or at least are uncomfortably full. Honestly, considering the amount of bites I have there must but a Mosquito the size of fucking tennis ball in that hotel.

Anyway heres a picture of a brilliantly green Paddy Field Picture 250

...its probably filled with Mossies

....bastards




6 comments:

  1. "This is often the case when ones genitals are on fire" - quote of the blog man, quote of the blog.

    Glad to hear you're not bathing alone at least. Keep up the excellent pics and stay in touch, ya erd.

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  2. This really is very, very funny Darragh. Shame there's no photos of said bites!
    Great composition in your photos D. Keep on looking for the weird and wonderful. H.

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  3. Thanks guys, I'll try and get some more wounds to keep all and sundry amused :)

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  4. Ha Ha Ha

    A similar thing happened to me once in secondary...I was trying to schmooze a rugger hugger on the sidelines when the SCT's where playing..(I was just J) I ran around the field screaming like a girl while pulling uniform off...needless to say this girl is now married to someone else lol

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  5. What's with the yellow fingers on the buddha? looks a bit iffy..

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  6. Its gold leaf given as a votive. (its not anything else you might be thinking of)

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